On: Pseudo-Commitment Issues

Boys. I’m a fan of them, and I’m sure you are too.

Whether or not you’re single, admitting that you appreciate the male species (as a whole) is not a difficult feat. However, acknowledging the aforementioned and actively seeking out a relationship are not necessarily synonymous – and I can be the first one to admit that. While I’m ~all for~ going on dates and meeting new people, figuring out where I am professionally has always taken precedence over everything else.

Until recently (maybe).

Before I go any further, I wanted to take the time to mention that this is a topic that I’ve never articulated on any kind of public Internet platform (and mom, I hope you’re not reading this). However, in the spirit of taking verbal liberties/~learning~ and ~growing~ together, I figure it’s now or never. So without further ado, here are some more #feels.

I’ve avoided relationships in the past because a “serious” relationship (for me) would be highly unproductive in an unsettling way. Not only am I incredibly intense by nature, but I am also incredibly obsessive – and everything I do is always executed to the extreme. Simply (or maybe not so simply) put, I am so taken with the idea of being thorough, that dedicating all my energy into building a companionship with someone is my automatic reaction to a new pursuit; and though I can recognize that this is extremely unhealthy, breaking the ~psychological~ habit has proven to be very difficult.

That is why up until recently, I forced myself to pick between having a professional life and a personal life. When I was in school, I dedicated all of my energy towards getting good grades and making cool stuff, and when I finished school, I dedicated all of my energy towards building some kind of #meta career. I didn’t really allow myself to date (save for like, 5 <10 [short-lived] instances lol) - and therefore, there was little room for me to "fall" and get distracted from what really mattered (read: making Kastor & Pollux goods).

Finding a healthy balance is something I’m still trying to figuring out…and while I’m still intense by nature, almost a year into my job and half a year out of school, I’ve begun to recognize that I must alter my understanding of “time” and modify the way in which I choose to use my time. Yes, ~work~ and ~education~ and ~reaching for the stars~ and ~achieving goals~ is important, but making excuses for the above should never dictate the amount of effort that is put into cultivating [personal] experiences.

I’ve been told that once I find the right person, time “commitments” no longer seem like sacrifices. Rather, they become adjustments I’ll want to make to my “super busy” work schedule. (FYI, I am notorious for telling boys that “I am too busy”, and I apologize if you’ve fallen victim to this). Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find someone who I can see tirelessly – but when I do, I’ll just remind myself that it doesn’t have to be ~all or nothing~! It can be a little bit of this (and a little bit of that). LOL I’m joking. Anyway.

Over [a chicken] dinner, I jokingly told my friend that I’ve “fallen” 3 times this year – and even though 1) January isn’t even over yet, 2) 3 seems like a grossly misconstrued number and 3) “luv” is an extreme exaggeration, I guess it’s not completely inaccurate. Because, uh, regardless of the caliber of ~feelings~ in case 1, 2 and 3, each definitely taught me something new about myself, and I’m pretty sure (as someone who has no idea what she wants), this is invaluable.

Though my words may imply otherwise, the “pseudo-commitment issues” up for discussion truly have nothing to do with me fearing something (or someone) with potential **nor do they have anything to do with fearing a monogamous relationship**. Though I’m in my early and very single twenties (/am definitely enjoying the option of pursuing fresh perspectives in the form of (objectively) cute males), I see the value of falling in and falling out of ~luv~; and even though it’s exhausting and stressful, I always feel a little bit wiser at the end of it all – and for that I am grateful.

Welcome to our feelings! M+M is an initiative Bianca and I decided to start going into 2014. We are both in the thick of self discovery – both emotionally and professionally – and we’d really like to share these ~everyday realities~ with you…if you’ll listen.

Read more:
+ On: Why 2013 Was The Biggest Year Of My Life


  1. Posted January 27, 2014 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    Loving this new style of post. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal myself and I’ve found someone who actually teaches me that it’s okay to let things go a little. I think that with this whole being busy and keeping busy kind of mentality, I get burned out quite quickly and having someone tell me that it’s okay to take a break every once in a while is nice. I don’t really have anything for you other than to just wait it out because I never thought all of those cheesy cliches about love would actually prove to be true, but a lot of them have so just be patient, and when you’re ready you’ll meet the one. I threw up a little bit in my mouth at that last sentence. But eh, it’s true.

  2. Posted January 27, 2014 at 9:09 pm | Permalink

    I have a confession… I’m in luv with u.

  3. Julia
    Posted January 28, 2014 at 12:21 am | Permalink

    dang way to assume that everyone reading your article is either a straight female or a gay male

  4. Posted January 28, 2014 at 1:32 am | Permalink

    I absolutely love this. I’m the exact same way and I feel that when I graduate college this semester.. I’ll still be in the same boat as you. You are amazing. Big girl crush right here!

  5. Posted January 28, 2014 at 2:22 am | Permalink

    Dani, being born on the exact same day as you (a year later) it almost doesn’t surprise me that the all-or-nothing / obsessive trait you just described is something we both have in common (and while I’m not sure how much I believe in astrology, I still enjoy seeing common personality quirks in fellow Scorpios and such – we’re supposed to have an inclination to get obsessed easily).

    I’m super proud of you for having been able to focus so much on your education/work/career, and tbh I’m at the other end of the spectrum here – I met my boyfriend / potential luv of my lyf in high school and have always struggled with managing my time between school and a relationship. And I admired the all-rounders who have so much on their plate but are still able to succeed in every part of their life.

    In any case, I think pursuing a relationship post-education is ideal for ~our kind~ lmao, and I hope that when you do find someone you like enough you’ll be able to spread your time wisely between him and moar important things. Also you must never neglect Kastor & Pollux even if your bf is Seth Cohen bc really where would I be without u guys

    Love you 5eva

  6. Posted January 28, 2014 at 6:03 am | Permalink

    There’s no value in anything unless you endeavour to commit with all your potential. Amazing to hear how dedicated you are to your work and career, a lot of people fall to the other end of the extreme! I hope this year brings more learning curves and formulative experiences for you, Dani, all the best!

  7. Posted January 30, 2014 at 12:08 am | Permalink

    Preach it sister!

2 Trackbacks

  1. By blog | kastor & pollux | based in toronto, canada on February 22, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    [...] month, I divulged the inner-workings of my brain in terms of commitment issues that aren’t actually commitment issues so I could preface this (not so intimidating) post about Tinder – the notoriously shallow [...]

  2. [...] On: Tinder etc. + On: Commitment Issues That Aren’t Actually Commitment Issues + On: Why 2013 Was The Biggest Year Of My Life [...]

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